Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have two toddler boys. He is a wonderful father but has been unemployed and looking for work for some time now.

My husband has always showed some jealously and possessiveness but the intensity fluctuates and is now getting worse. He is obsessed about any relationships I had before I met him and thinks that I'm unfaithful to him, especially at work. I hold a pretty senior position at work and have to travel a lot. He usually calls me, when I'm on travel, to accuse me of the worst things. He believes that he has proof of my infidelity and flirtations. For example, he refuses to go back to one of my favorite restaurants because he thinks that I flirted with one of the waiters in front of him. He says the fact that the waiter filled my glass with water and not his is proof. He also says that he knows I'm "lusting" after someone if he sees me bite my bottom lip. He once accused me of looking at the preacher's crotch during church. Lately, he has been accusing me of dressing to impress men at work whenever I put on a "power suit" or take extra care with my make-up. He is suspicious if I take an 1.5 hr. lunch brake and insists that I lie about all the meetings I have to attend.

The issue is that this behavior is not constant but it does happen at least once a month and when it does happen he says the most hurtful things to me. It hurts that he is always questioning my integrity. He is not physically abusive and is a good father, but I'm at a loss about what to do. I also find that his "episodes" of insane jealously seem to be triggered by anything. If I\'m too tired to make love, he accuses me of wanting someone else. If I forget to tell him that he is a "good husband" or "good father" on father's day, then he gets into a jealous rage and begins accusing me.

Any advice is helpful.

Disclaimer

• Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
• Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
• Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
• No correspondence takes place.
• No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
• Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
• Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.