Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

In 2006 my husband and I made the decision to move out of Michigan for economic reasons. We ended up in Florida and then North Carolina where his sister moved when their family left Michigan as well. My mother and father-in-law both moved to Florida, then North Carolina with us.

It was after two car accidents and his family moving to NC that we decided to make the move. At the time I was not on speaking terms with my mother. After several years of strained relationship during her divorce recovery I cut it off the morning we left after her insinuations that I divorce my husband. She was in a man hating phase at that point.

We had our first child in 2008. When he was 3 months old I started to try to patch things up with my mother, with encouragement from my husband and brother. We finally visited Michigan since leaving last year. My aunt died last year as well.

Mom and I have grown much closer. I am currently pregnant with our second child. We visited Michigan again just last week. I spent years telling myself I hated that place, the snow, the people, but truthfully I long for it all. I do not like the south. I miss the chillier weather, black dirt(as opposed to red clay), and my extended family on my mothers side. I'm also very close with my husband's family.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I know if we moved it wouldn't be for a couple years. I know my husband wouldn't make as much money, either. I also know staying here or going there is choosing for someone to miss out on their family. I want to see them more than twice a year. I know my mom will never move. She loves her home and is very close with my aunts and cousins that are remaining.

I feel trapped. I cry all the time. Coming home from a visit is torture. I'm told by my husband to move on and make peace, but I don't think he truly understands my heartache. The family he wanted all moved here. I know when I enter the work force again my time with my family will be even less.

Any advice? I feel like I'm grieving loss whenever we come home. I'm tired of hearing it's just because I'm pregnant. The same thing happened when I wasn't pregnant. Also know if my husband had a desire to make the move work we could. I've spent far too much time planning it out not to know. I don't want to be sad all the time, but I feel like I'm getting cheated.

Disclaimer

• Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
• Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
• Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
• No correspondence takes place.
• No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
• Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
• Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.