Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

A few weeks ago, I found out what an ex-girlfriend from 27 years ago had been up to all this time. She has been married for 23 years, has 4 kids and lives in the next suburb over. I ended the relationship 27 years ago because I could not take the cheating and sharing her with other men. She was my first love (I was 27) and my first intimate girlfriend. There were good times too and I even briefly lived with her about 1/2 way into our time together. What really seemed to doom our relationship was when she got pregnant and decided to terminate the pregnancy. I had wanted to get married. About 10 years after ending this relationship I met a wondeful women, fell in love and we have been happily married for 16 years and we have two teenage daughters, a beautiful home, both of us have great jobs, but I find myself suffering anxiety attacks and being kept up at night with thoughts of what could have been with my old girlfriend and feeling loss at what our life could have been together. I don't want to contact her, I don't want to leave my wife or family, I just want to put this woman back into the box in my memory where she was not bothering me so much and get on with my life. How do I accomplish that?

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