The Use of Choice in Early Childhood
Angela Oswalt, MSW, Natalie Staats Reiss, Ph.D and Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.Another way to create harmony and obedience in children is by using the "choice" technique. In this technique, parents present children with a limited number of choices from which they must choose. Younger children should be offered only a small number of choices, ideally no more than 2 or 3 at a time. Too many choices will overwhelm children and complicate the situation. All the choices to be offered are selected in advance by parents and are therefore acceptable and appropriate.
Offering children the option to choose from among acceptable choices allows them healthy room to assert themselves and their unique personalities, while still constraining them to be obedient. Offering children a choice facilitates cooperation and usually avoids a war of the wills. Often at this age, young children will say, "No" to something parents impose on them, simply to exert their independence. This stubbornness isn't necessarily bad. Instead, it's a sign of children's developing individuality. If parents give children two choices, such as oat O's or wheat flakes for breakfast, everyone's needs can be met. The child gets to choose between healthy alternatives, saying "No" to one of them, and there isn't a battle about breakfast.
When parents start integrating the use of choice into their repertoire, simple everyday tasks such as getting dressed in the morning can be completed more quickly. For example, say that Billy refuses to wear the yellow polo shirt and khakis that Mom pulls out of the closet, even though he loved them just last week. Instead, he wants to wear his swim trunks and flip-flops to school. He may begin to pout and to refuse to get dressed, while Mom asserts the need to get dressed immediately to avoid being late for school. Both sides are firm in their conviction. Billy wants to show his independence and choose what he wants to wear. Mom wants to see her son dressed appropriately for the weather and the activity, and still make it to work on time. A simple use of choice could diffuse this entire situation. Mom could start off by saying, "Billy, what would you like to wear today? Your blue striped polo or your green sweatshirt?" Billy can pick the shirt he likes, and show Mom that he wants some control over his life. Mom will feel satisfied that her child will stay warm at school and everyone can get to school and work on time.
The choice technique need not be limited to helping children negotiate breakfast or choosing an outfit. Instead, it can be successfully applied in many settings and decision points. For instance, parents can say to children: "Choose cereal or toast" at the restaurant, "Choose the turtle book or the space book", at the library, and "Hold my left hand or my right hand, when crossing the street. Choice can also be used to make certain chores or less-desirable activities more pleasant for kids. Something as small as choosing whether to take a bath before or after the weekly call to Grandpa, or choosing whether to eat peas before or after the chicken leg can powerfully motivate young children to behave.
Offering children choices is a way of offering them control over their lives without putting them at risk. While making such simple choices may seem insignificant to adults, choice conveys to children that their unique preferences are important, and can dramatically decrease the number of daily battles that must be fought. Giving children small choices teaches them that they have the ability and the responsibility to make larger choices in life, such as whether to follow or to break rules. To take this a step further, children who are allowed to choose learn that deciding between a good choice or a bad choice is actually deciding between a positive outcome or a predictable and undesirable negative consequence. Maintaining discipline can then be explained to children as a simple case of their making a choice between consequences. Treating misbehavior as a bad choice (rather than saying or implying that children themselves are bad) helps teach children to follow the rules without decreasing their self-esteem.
Resources
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Articles
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Development During Early Childhood, Toddler, and Preschool Stages
- Introduction- Development During Early Childhood
- Early Childhood Physical Development: Average Growth
- Early Childhood Physical Development: Gross and Fine Motor Development
- Early Childhood Physical Development: Toilet Training
- Early Childhood Cognitive Development: Introduction
- Early Childhood Cognitive Development: Symbolic Function
- Early Childhood Cognitive Development: Intuitive Thought
- Early Childhood Cognitive Development: Information Processing
- Early Childhood Cognitive Development: Language Development
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Emotional Expressiveness and Understanding
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Reflective Empathy
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Aggression
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Identity and Self-Esteem
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Social Connections
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Social Connections Continued
- Early Childhood Emotional and Social Development: Conclusion
- Early Childhood Moral Development
- Early Childhood Moral Development Continued
- Early Childhood Gender Identity and Sexuality
- Early Childhood Gender Identity and Sexuality Continued
- Early Childhood Conclusion
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Parenting Your Todder, Preschooler, and Young Child
- Introduction to Parenting Your Toddler, Preschooler, and Young Child
- Early Childhood Feeding and Nutrition
- Early Childhood Food and Nutrition Continued
- Early Childhood Food and Nutrition Conclusion
- Early Childhood Sleep
- Early Childhood Toilet Training
- Early Childhood Hygiene
- Early Childhood Hygiene Continued
- Early Childhood Exercise
- Early Childhood Love and Nurturing
- Early Childhood: It's Important to Encourage Reading
- Early Childhood Medical Care
- Early Childhood Mental Health Care
- Early Childhood Safety
- Coping with Transitions in Early Childhood: Getting a New Sibling or Remaining an Only Child
- Coping with Transition: in Early Childhood: Going to Daycare
- Coping with Transition: Starting Preschool or Kindergarten and Final Conclusions
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Toilet Training
- Early Childhood Toilet Training Introduction
- The Right Time to Start Toilet Training: Children's Readiness
- The Right Time to Start Toilet Training: Family Readiness and Red Flags
- Pre-Toilet Training in Early Childhood
- Preparing the Space for Toilet Training in Early Childhood
- Toilet Training-Friendly Clothing
- Early Childhood Toilet Training Methods
- Early Childhood Toilet Training Methods Continued
- Early Childhood Toilet Training Methods Conclusion
- How to Deal with Toilet Training Challenges: Travel
- How to Deal with Toilet Training Challenges: Constipation and Fear of Flushing
- Bedwetting, Encopresis and Enuresis, and Conclusions
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Disciplining Your Toddler, Preschooler, and Young Child
- Disciplining Your Toddler, Preschooler, and Young Child Introduction
- Parents as Disciplinarians in Early Childhood
- Preventing Early Childhood Misbehavior Before it Happens
- The Use of Choice in Early Childhood
- A Step-by-Step Guide for How to Discipline Children in Early Childhood
- Natural and Logical Consequences in Early Childhood
- Combining Choice and Consequences in Early Childhood
- Early Childhood Time Outs
- Spanking in Early Childhood
- Coordinating to Provide Continuity of Early Childhood Discipline Across Caregivers
- Lying in Early Childhood
- Supportive Communication in Early Childhood and Discipline Conclusion
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Nurturing Your Toddler, Preschooler, and Young Child
- Nurturing Your Toddler, Preschooler, and Young Child Introduction
- Creating Nurturing Space in Early Childhood
- Physical Nurturing: Gross Motor Activities in Early Childhood
- Physical Nurturing: Fine Motor Activities in Early Childhood
- Cognitive Nurturing in Early Childhood
- Cognitive Nurturing in Early Childhood Continued
- Cognitive Nurturing in Early Childhood Conclusion
- Social Nurturing in Early Childhood
- Emotional Nurturing in Early Childhood
- Cultural and Spiritual Nurturing in Early Childhood
- Nurturing at Home and Outside the Home and Nurturing Conclusions
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Child and Adolescent Development Theories
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Infants: Parenting and Child Development
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Development During Early Childhood, Toddler, and Preschool Stages
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Questions and Answers
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