Fitting In and Peer Pressure
Angela Oswalt Morelli , MSW, edited by Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.In middle-childhood, children participate in extended social networks of friends, often organized around a school or other institution that groups children together. The relationships within these naturally forming social networks are hierarchical in nature, meaning that they are not all equal. Some children are more popular and sought out in these groupings, while others struggle to be included at all. Children sense that an important part of their happiness is linked in with how they are perceived and treated by the other children in their network, and so they tend to worry a lot about how their social position within the network. This is another way of saying that many children are concerned about how others perceive them, and therefore are subject to intense peer pressure. They are often willing to do most anything - even self-destructive things - in order that they can become well-regarded and sought after by other children.
Parents cannot and should not try to remove children from the pressure of needing to fit in. This process of fitting in is the crucible in which children's social skills are learned and practiced. Children who are kept away from this struggle will not learn vital social skills they will need in order to negotiate the adult social world (where these skills become necessary to maintain employment or advance in one's career).
Parents can do two things to make the process of fitting in a little easier and safer for children. The first is to provide a standing invitation to have an open conversation with children about their worries and fears regarding peer relationships. The second is to help children grow a strong sense of self-esteem by loving, encouraging and protecting them, providing them with appropriate challenges and teaching them positive coping and decision-making skills. These two approaches will help decrease the likelihood that negative peer pressure will tempt children to make self-destructive decisions. Please see our Nurturing Children's Self-Esteem article for more information on this important subject. Please refer to the earlier section on disciplining children in middle-childhood for suggestions about how to help children learn good decision-making and coping skills.
Teaching Children Social Skills
Resources
-
Articles
-
Middle Childhood Introduction
- Middle Childhood Parenting Introduction
-
Child Feeding and Nutrition
- Feeding and Nutrition
- Components of Healthy Meals
- Additional Components of a Healthy Meal
- The Importance of Water
-
Child Sleeping
- Sleep
- Managing Children's Insomnia
-
Child Hygiene and Appearance
- Hygiene
- Health-Promoting Hygiene Habits
- Hand-washing
- Appearance-Enhancing Hygiene Habits
- Hair Care and Clean Clothing
- Puberty-Related Hygiene Concerns: Body Odor, Acne and Menstruation
- Appearance
- Children's Hairstyles
-
Child Health and Medical Issues
- Exercise
- Preventative Health Care
- Preventative Dental and Vision Care
- Sun Safety
- Common Childhood Illnesses
- Colds, Sore Throats and Ear Infections
- Stomachaches, Diarrhea and Vomiting
- Fever
- Bug Bites and Stings
- Poison Ivy and Oak, Eczema and Pink Eye
- Childhood Diabetes
- Obesity and Malnutrition
- Headaches and Migraines
- Allergies
- Asthma
- Vision Problems
-
Child Safety
- Safety
- Automobiles, Walking and Biking Safety
- Stranger Danger
- Latch-Key Children Home-Alone
- Outdoor Safety
- Pet Safety
- Firearm (Gun) Safety
-
Child Education
- Education and Schools
- Engaging with Teachers, the School, Other Parents and the Educational Process
- Helping Children Get Their Homework Done
- Handling School-Related Discipline Incidents
- Planning in Advance for School Closings and Sick Days
-
Child Discipline and Guidance
- Discipline and Guidance
- Choices and Consequence
- Use of Rewards and Punishments to Motivate Children's Behavior
- "Grounding" Children and Sticker Charts
- Chores
- Nurturing Children
- Children's Need for Privacy
-
Dealing with Difficult Childhood Issues
- Dealing with Life's Tough Topics
- Learning the Truth about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, etc.
- Death
- Divorce and Remarriage
- Remarriage, Step-Parenting, Blended Families
- Moving to a New House
- Fitting In and Peer Pressure
- Teaching Children Social Skills
- Social Skills Continued
- Cigarettes, Alcohol, and Drugs
- Romantic Crushes and Questions about Sex
- Questions about Sex Continued
- Sibling Rivalry
- Encourage Children to Support One Another by Diverting Direct Competition
- Handling Manipulative or Aggressive Children
- Bullying and Peer Abuse
- Bullying and Peer Abuse Continued
- Prejudice
-
Middle Childhood Conclusion
- Middle Childhood Parenting Conclusion
-
Puberty
-
Middle Childhood Introduction
-
Questions and Answers
- Should My 9 Year Old Daughter Be Evaluated?
- My 9 Year Old Wants To Be An Only Child
- Ten Year Old's Severe Emotional and Behavioral Problems
- Child With Possible Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
-
Book & Media Reviews
- Great Answers to Difficult Questions About Sex
- Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions
- What are you staring at?
-
Links
- [18] Videos
-
Videos
- Boys & HPV Vaccine
- Limiting Kids Screen Time
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 19: The School Years: Summary
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 16: The School Years: Biosocial Development
- Child Development: Stepping Stones - Lesson 17: The School Years: Cognitive Development
- Nightmare vs. Night Terror
- 3 Tips on Swim Safety
- Big Kids Need a Boost
- Children and Social Media: What Every Parent Should Know
- Pack Car Seat for Summer Travel
- 8 more
Topics
-
Related Topic Centers
- Child & Adolescent Development: Overview
- Childhood Mental Disorders and Illnesses
- Internet Addiction and Media Issues
- Parenting
- Self Esteem
- Child Development & Parenting: Infants (0-2)
- Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7)
- Child Development Theory: Middle Childhood (8-11)
- Childhood Special Education
- Child & Adolescent Development: Puberty
-
Addictions
-
Aging & Elder Care
-
Assessments & Interventions
-
Career & Workplace
-
Emotional Well-Being
-
Life Issues
-
Parenting & Child Care
-
Abuse
-
ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
-
Adoption
-
Autism
-
Child & Adolescent Development: Overview
-
Child & Adolescent Development: Puberty
-
Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7)
-
Child Development & Parenting: Infants (0-2)
-
Child Development & Parenting: Middle (8-11)
-
Child Development & Parenting:Adolescence (12-24)
-
Child Development Theory: Adolescence (12-24)
-
Child Development Theory: Middle Childhood (8-11)
-
Childhood Mental Disorders and Illnesses
-
Childhood Special Education
-
Divorce
-
Family & Relationship Issues
-
Intellectual Disabilities
-
Learning Disorders
-
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
-
Parenting
-
Self Esteem
-
-
Psychological Disorders
-
Anxiety Disorders
-
Bipolar Disorder
-
Conversion Disorders
-
Depression: Depression & Related Conditions
-
Dissociative Disorders
-
Domestic Violence and Rape
-
Eating Disorders
-
Impulse Control Disorders
-
Intellectual Disabilities
-
Mental Disorders
-
Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders
-
Personality Disorders
-
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
-
Schizophrenia
-
Sexual Disorders
-
Somatic Symptom and Related Disorders
-
Suicide
-
Tourettes and other Tic Disorders
-