Anger Contracting
Harry Mills, Ph.D.Commit With A Contract
It is a very good idea to draw up a written contract detailing the things you agree to practice in the course of your anger management program. Signing such a contract is a way of providing yourself structure and support, both important for your success. Print out your contract on paper and sign it with ink. Get one or more people who want to support your anger management progress to co-sign as witnesses. You may even consider posting the contract in a public place so that people you interact with on a regular basis become aware of your commitment. Going public with your contract and intention to change will strengthen your commitment.
The details of the contract - exactly what you write into it - are important. You want to be very specific in describing:
- Your goals for the program (what you hope to accomplish)
- What you agree to do to reach those goals
- How and when you will practice those things you've agreed to do.
Be specific! Do not write down obvious generalities, such as "I intend to stop overreacting." as your program goal. Vague goals like that are impossible to measure and leave you too much wiggle-room to bring about real change. Instead of vague goals, describe specific situations that are upsetting to you, and the specific behavioral techniques you will practice and use when confronted with those situations. We've already covered many of the techniques useful for controlling your anger, but they bear repeating just the same. Repetition helps with understanding.
Take a time-out
Agree that you will take a temporary time-out (a temporary break) when confronted with angering situations, whenever this is possible to do. Taking the opportunity to step away from an angering situation will give you space and time you need to calm and gather yourself, and to evaluate the situation from a more rational, cool-minded perspective. Return to the situation when you're done with your time-out.
As an illustration, when a fight breaks out between you and your spouse or partner, agree to take a temporary break from the fight to allow both of you to cool down. You already know that if you let the fight progress, it will get increasingly out of control. Taking a few minutes to step away, calm down, and think critically about the issue you're fighting about can put you into a better frame of mind to deal with the issue at hand.
Similarly, if you are habitually overwhelmed by family demands upon returning home from work, agree that you will provide yourself with private alone time after work but before you return home. Note that having a drink is not a healthy way to decompress. Drinking alcohol will only make your situation worse. Instead, go to the gym and work out. Take a yoga class. Simply sit in your car for 10 minutes and read that magazine or book you've been interested in. Do something to provide yourself with a little buffer zone so that when you do return home to your family you can appreciate what is good there and not be cranky or hostile. Often, a few minutes of alone-time or time-out can help you to better handle the situation when you do arrive at home.
Relax
Agree that you will practice relaxation exercises on a regular basis (preferably on a daily basis).
Since learning to control your anger often means learning to react less violently during stressful situations, it will be beneficial for you to become skillful at relaxing yourself. Relaxation techniques (including deep breathing exercises, meditation, and physical exercise as well) are an effective means of calming yourself down. When practiced daily, relaxation techniques become a proactive means of reducing your general overall arousal.
Go With The Anger Management Program
Anger Contracting (continued)
Resources
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Articles
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Introduction to Anger and Its Costs
- Introduction to Anger Management
- What is Anger?
- Psychology of Anger
- Physiology of Anger
- Anger vs. Fear
- Anger Styles Are Learned
- Motivational Effects of Anger
- Health Costs Of Anger
- Social Costs Of Anger
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Deciding to Manage Anger
- Deciding To Manage Anger
- Recognizing Anger Signs
- Rage Ratings
- Anger Diary And Triggers
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Anger Management Techniques & Treatments
- Anger Management Relaxation Techniques
- Reality Testing and Anger Management
- Believable Reasons for Staying Cool
- Assertive Communication and Anger Management
- Anger Management and Making Requests
- Putting It Together: Use of Anger Management Techniques
- Anger Management Programs
- Go With The Anger Management Program
- Anger Contracting
- Anger Contracting (continued)
- Mandated Anger Management Treatment
- Handling Anger Management Relapses
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Suggested Readings
- Recommended Anger Management Readings
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Introduction to Anger and Its Costs
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News
- Study Probes Causes of Anger in Returning U.S. Soldiers
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Questions and Answers
- Angry All The Time
- Do You Know What's Wrong With Me?
- Getting Married, Stepsons With Awful Tempers
- Intrusive Thoughts?
- I Have This Issue
- Does Romance Lead to Aggression?
- Why do I Feel Like Everyone is Trying to Upset me?
- Preventing Unwarranted Conflict
- He Says I'm Ignorant , Being a Moron
- Frequently Snapping Over Little Things!
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33 more
- Guidance To Help My Son Deal With His Violent Rages
- Please Help Me Out
- I Desperately Want to Make This Work
- Help!
- Advice
- Anger
- Dealing with Bipolar Dsorder
- Does an old brain injury contribute to anger management problems?
- dont understand me
- Three different personality disorders
- My younger brother is having spells of rage
- violent brother
- I get violent
- Anger Management
- Angry at my doctor for prescribing so carelessly
- I become very hostile towards myself
- Misdiagnosed and Lied To
- Living In Fear Of The Next Outburst
- A Very Bad Temper
- Angry But Over-Controlled
- Angry Friend
- Argumentative
- Inner Rage
- Screaming And Cursing Husband
- Are These Just Mood Swings
- Explosive Anger
- Chaotic Family Life
- Temper Problems
- Ruining the Best Relationships
- A VIOLENT MARRIAGE
- Jekyll & Hyde
- My Dad the Dictator
- Violent Behavior
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Tests
- Anger Quiz
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Book & Media Reviews
- Action, Emotion and Will
- Aggression and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents
- Anger
- Destructive Emotions
- Emotions Revealed
- Getting over Getting Mad
- Handbook of Emotions
- Hatred
- Letting Go of Anger
- Master Passions
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10 more
- Mastering Anger and Aggression
- Mindful Anger
- Restraining Rage
- Shame and Guilt
- Taking Charge of Anger
- Taking Charge of Anger: Six Steps to Asserting Yourself without Losing Control
- The Irritable Male Syndrome
- The Mythological Unconscious
- The Subtlety of Emotions
- The Vehement Passions
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Links
- [4] Articles
- [1] Associations
- [2] Information
- [1] Journals
- [10] Videos
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Videos
- Controlling Anger
- Help Your Child to Be Angry Better
- Anger, Compassion, and What It Means To Be Strong
- Anger Management Techniques
- Learn the 6 Steps to Coping with Anger and How To Overcome Anger Triggers
- Anger Management Techniques That Work
- How to deal with anger appropriately?
- The Mad Family: Anger Management For Children
- Coping with Anger After Deployment
- Does Anger Hurt Your Heart?
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More Information
- Wise Counsel Interview Transcript: An Interview with Steven Shaps, MA on Anger Management
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