Self esteem

I am a 46 year old married female petite in size and stature considered very attractive. I hold an executive position in the federal goverment. I was sexually abused from the age 8 till 16 by my brother. I found out at age 19 that my father wasn\'t my biological father I\'m the third of 6 children, my mother still to this day won\'t tell me who is my father. I have caught my husband (age 56) of 11 years in compromising situations with other women on two different occassions. I have no self confidence or self esteem on a personal level I let men walk all over me and treat me like I am dirt under their feet and that I\'m not on the same level. I have an above normal sexual appetite and my husband likes to withhold sex when we argue I end up begging for him to touch me and have intercourse and he will sit back and laugh telling me how much he hates and dispises me then he will just go to bed. The next morning when I ask him how he could have no regard for my feelings or desires he says he doesn\'t have any idea what I\'m talking about. Could you help me understand why I feel I deserve this type of relationship?

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