Review of "Girl in the Mirror"
By Nancy L. Snyderman, M.D. and Peg StreepHyperion, 2002
Review by Marion Torchia on Jun 6th 2003
Girl in the Mirror is addressed to mothers about to embark on the challenge of raising adolescent daughters. It is not, strictly speaking, a professional book. Although one of the authors is a physician -- actually, a surgeon specializing in otolaryngology -- she does not draw on her own professional experience. Instead, she and her colleague combine summaries of current literature on adolescent development with reflections on their experiences, and those of friends and colleagues, as daughters and as mothers. The result is an optimistic, "you can do it" guide to "hands-on" mothering.
The book maintains a very valuable dual focus. Middle class mothers are typically going through their own mid-life "changes" just as their daughters go through adolescence. As their daughters step into the prime of life, they face all the losses that go with age. Inevitably, tensions arise that must be faced honestly. Any mother will react to her daughter's emerging sexuality, and to her striking out for autonomy, at least partly in terms of what these events say to her about her own past life and future prospects.
On the other hand, the mother, as the adult in the relationship, must be the responsible party, keeping her emotional reactions in perspective in order to work for her daughter's well-being. Self-reflection is in order.
The authors try to debunk or re-frame what they see as distorted cultural myths. A "Good Mother," in their view, does not need to be a cross between Mother Teresa and Martha Stewart; she is doing well if she enters into an honest, flexible relationship with her daughter. Not all adolescents are prickly, rebellious, or in turmoil, victimized by "raging hormones"--though it is certainly true that adolescence is a time of radical change and a degree of struggle. Peer influence is not uniformly dangerous; mothers need to appreciate the value of their daughters' friendships.
The book takes positions in opposition to several prevalent trends: an "age compression" that forces children into adolescence earlier and earlier; an increased sexualization of popular culture, and a feminine ideal that emphasizes bodily beauty at the expense of other personal values. It takes a stand straightforwardly in favor of close parental supervision and the setting of limits. "Hands-on" parenting includes knowing an adolescent's whereabouts; monitoring TV watching, Internet use, and musical tastes; and establishing family rituals such as mealtimes.
On the other hand, the authors' attitude is not entirely authoritarian. They see the chief task of motherhood as engaging with one's daughter in an extended dialogue, a real two-way exchange. In this conversation, the mother's values and behavior will be open to observation and criticism. However, both parties will respect certain boundaries of privacy.
The book touches on an enormous range of difficult topics, including divorce, step-parenting, adoption, sex education and sexual orientation, and drug and alcohol use. Its extensive bibliography makes it a useful starting point for an investigation of these issues.
The chapter on "Troubled Waters" summarizes the standard scientific and public health literature on such serious emotional problems as depression, anxiety disorder, social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and eating disorders. It offers concrete advice, hope in the efficacy of treatment, and compassion for the mother's suffering.
Girl in the Mirror is an appealing book. Its authors are strong in their opinions but not nasty, blaming, or backward looking. They have succeeded in conveying a unified vision of the crucial task of mothering an adolescent daughter in today's world.
© 2003 Marion Torchia
Marion Torchia is a Washington DC-based writer and health care analyst. She is particularly interested in the moral dimensions of our attitudes towards health and behavioral health.
Resources
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Articles
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An Overview of Child Developmental Theories
- An Overview of Child Development Theories
- Developmental Channels
- Child Development Stages vs. Continuous Development
- Developmental Stages and Milestones of Child Development
- Sensitive Periods in Child Development
- Major Child Development Theories and Theorists
- Sigmund Freud and Child Development
- Erik Erikson and Child Development
- Lawrence Kohlberg and Child Development
- Jean Piaget and Child Development
- Urie Bronfenbrenner and Child Development
- Child Development Overview Summary
- Infants: Parenting and Child Development
- Early Childhood: Parenting and Child Development
- Middle Childhood: Parenting and Child Development
- Adolescence: Parenting and Child Development
- Child Mental Disorders and Illnesses
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An Overview of Child Developmental Theories
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Questions and Answers
- Do I Have a Mental Condition?
- Is There Something Wrong?
- 11 Year Old Daughter Jealous of my Boyfriend
- Are my past sexual fantasies dangerous and unusual?
- A child with a bad attitude
- Children's role-play after loss. Is this an instance of denial?
- young teen response to death and grief
- can 7-yo boy have antisocial personality disorder?
- Self esteem
- I\'m in love with my therapist
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37 more
- Is this a eating disorder ?
- Teen in Full Retreat
- Anxiety in children
- Is Depression a Factor in Children With ADD?
- Dad will shoot through hoops.
- Helping my almost 19 year old daughter face the real world
- dominant ego
- 19 year old daughter in abusive relationship
- Why is my 3 year older fixated with the witch and the bad guys?
- Mother showering & sleeping in same bed with 5 year old
- my 7 year old nephew
- my daughter
- Good 14 Year Old Boy becomes freshman and falls apart
- child psychological disorder
- 10 year old dreaming of killing
- How to communicate to a \'feeler\'
- preteen bad behavior
- Teenager...angst vs. mental health issue
- homesick
- Does My Child Have A Mental Problem?
- How Does Childhood Abuse Influence Adulthood?
- Failing My Daughter
- I Wanna Be Thin!
- Hypochondriac Daughter
- Attachment Disorder
- Self-Abusive Step-Daughter
- Too Young For Meds
- Is Bipolar Inheritable?
- How Long To Diagnose ADHD?
- Childhood Depression
- Perfectionistic Son
- Paranoia
- My Granddaughter Is Acting Bizarrely
- Boarding School Blues
- Self-Punishing Son
- Bipolar Chat Rooms?
- Dogs Instead of Children?
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Book & Media Reviews
- 100 Things Guys Need to Know
- 3 NBS of Julian Drew
- A Guide to Asperger Syndrome
- A Tribe Apart
- A User Guide to the GF/CF Diet for Autism, Asperger Syndrome and AD/HD
- A Walk in the Rain With a Brain
- Adolescence and Body Image
- Adolescent Depression
- After
- Aggression and Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents
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236 more
- All Alone in the Universe
- Amelia Rules
- America
- Another Planet
- Antisocial Behavior in Children and Adolescents
- Artemis Fowl
- Assessment and Treatment of Childhood Problems, Second Edition
- Autistic Spectrum Disorders
- Bad Girl
- Between Two Worlds
- Beyond Appearance
- Beyond Diversity Day
- Big Mouth & Ugly Girl
- Bill Henson
- Bipolar Disorders
- Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Obesity
- Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Obesity in Youth
- Boy
- Boys
- Branded
- Breaking Point
- Breathing Underwater
- Bringing Up Parents
- Bullying and Teasing
- Can't Eat, Won't Eat
- Catalyst
- Child and Adolescent Psychological Disorders
- Children Changed by Trauma
- Children with Emerald Eyes
- Children’s Dreaming and the Development of Consciousness
- City of One
- Concise Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
- Conquering the Beast Within
- Contentious Issues
- Cracked
- Cut
- Dancing in My Nuddypants
- Demystifying the Autistic Experience
- Descartes' Baby
- Dilemmas of Desire
- Dirty
- Doing It
- Doing School
- Dying to Be Thin
- Eating an Artichoke
- Educating Children With Autism
- Elijah's Cup
- Ellison the Elephant
- Emerald City Blues
- Emotional and Behavioral Problems of Young Children
- Every Girl Tells a Story
- Fast Girls
- Feather Boy
- Firegirl
- Forever Young
- Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome
- Freewill
- Geography Club
- Georgia Under Water
- Girl in the Mirror
- Girlfighting
- Girlsource
- GirlWise
- GLBTQ
- Good Girls
- Goodbye Rune
- Granny Torrelli Makes Soup
- Growing Up Girl
- Handbook for Boys
- Healing ADD
- Heartbeat
- Helping Children Cope With Disasters and Terrorism
- Helping Parents, Youth, and Teachers Understand Medications for Behavioral and Emotional Problems
- Hollow Kids
- How Children Learn the Meanings of Words
- How to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do If You Can't
- Hug Me
- Intrusive Parenting
- It's Me!
- It's Perfectly Normal
- Jake Riley
- Joey Pigza Swallowed the Key
- Juvenile-Onset Schizophrenia
- Keeping the Moon
- Killing Monsters
- Kim: Empty Inside
- Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas
- Laura Numeroff's 10-Step Guide to Living with Your Monster
- Learning About School Violence
- Leo the Lightning Bug
- Let Kids Be Kids
- Liberation's Children
- Life As We Know It
- Lisa, Bright and Dark
- Little Chicago
- Lord of the Flies
- Loser
- Love and Sex
- Love That Dog
- Manic
- Mastering Anger and Aggression
- Mind Fields
- Miss American Pie
- Mom, Dad, I'm Gay.
- Monster
- More Than a Label
- Myths of Childhood
- New Hope for Children and Teens with Bipolar Disorder
- No Two Alike
- Not Much Just Chillin'
- Odd Girl Out
- Odd Girl Speaks Out
- On the Frontier of Adulthood
- One Hot Second
- One in Thirteen
- Ophelia Speaks
- Ophelia's Mom
- Our Journey Through High Functioning Autism and Asperger Syndrome
- Out of the Dust
- Overcoming School Anxiety
- Parenting and the Child's World
- Parenting Your Out-Of-Control Teenager
- Pediatric Psychopharmacology
- Period Pieces
- Phobic and Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents
- PINS
- Praising Boys Well
- Praising Girls Well
- Pretty in Punk
- Princess in the Spotlight
- Problem Child or Quirky Kid?
- Psychotherapy As Praxis
- Psychotherapy for Children and Adolescents
- Raising a Self-Starter
- Raising Blaze
- Raising Resilient Children
- Reclaiming Our Children
- Redressing the Emperor
- Reducing Adolescent Risk
- Rethinking ADHD
- Reweaving the Autistic Tapestry
- Rineke Dijkstra
- Ritalin is Not the Answer Action Guide
- Running on Ritalin
- Say Yes
- Sexual Teens, Sexual Media
- Sexuality in Adolescence
- Shooter
- Short People
- Should I Medicate My Child?
- Skin Game
- Smack
- Smashed
- Staying Connected to Your Teenager
- Stick Figure
- Stoner & Spaz
- Stop Arguing with Your Kids
- Straight Talk about Your Child's Mental Health
- Strong, Smart, & Bold
- Student Depression
- Survival Strategies for Parenting Children with Bipolar Disorder
- Surviving Ophelia
- Taking Charge of ADHD, Revised Edition
- Taming the Troublesome Child
- Targeting Autism
- Teaching Problems and the Problems of Teaching
- Teen Angst? Naaah
- That Summer
- The American Psychiatric Publishing Textbook Of Child And Adolescent Psychiatry
- The Arctic Incident
- The Bipolar Child
- The Buffalo Tree
- The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander
- The Carnivorous Carnival
- The Depressed Child
- The Developing Mind
- The Dragons of Autism
- The Dream Bearer
- The Dulcimer Boy
- The Einstein Syndrome
- The Epidemic
- The Eternity Cube
- The Explosive Child
- The Field of the Dogs
- The First Idea
- The Identity Trap
- The Inside Story on Teen Girls
- The Little Tern
- The Mean Girl Motive
- The Men They Will Become
- The Myth of Laziness
- The New Gay Teenager
- The Notebook Girls
- The Nurture Assumption
- The Opposite of Invisible
- The Order of the Poison Oak
- The Other Parent
- The Present Moment in Psychotherapy and Everyday Life
- The Real Truth About Teens and Sex
- The Rise and Fall of the American Teenager
- The Secret Lives of Girls
- The Sex Lives of Teenagers
- The Shared Heart
- The Spider and the Bee
- The Steps
- The Thought that Counts
- The Unhappy Child
- The Vile Village
- The Whole Child
- Then Again, Maybe I Won't
- Therapy with Children
- Things I Have to Tell You
- Touching Spirit Bear
- Trauma in the Lives of Children
- Treacherous Love
- True Believer
- Twisted
- Unhappy Teenagers
- Way to Be!
- We're Not Monsters
- What about the Kids
- What Would Joey Do?
- What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys
- What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls
- When Nothing Matters Anymore
- When Sex Goes to School
- When Your Child Has an Eating Disorder
- Where The Kissing Never Stops
- Whose America?
- Why Are You So Sad?
- Winnicott
- Worried All the Time
- Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy!
- You Hear Me
- Young People and Mental Health
- Your Child, Bully or Victim?
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Links
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Videos
- Raising Children Responsibly in the Digital Age
- Having Difficult Conversations with Children
- How to help overweight kids get healthier
- Does Your Child Have the Flu or Just a Cold Video
- Positive Behavior Support: Making Clear and Effective Requests
- Monitoring and Limit Setting: Clear Rules
- Developing Brain Injuries
- Kids and Sleep
- Kids and Screen Time
- 5-2-1-0 for Kids
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83 more
- Sleep Disorders in Children
- Bullying Prevention: Lessons from Research and Practices
- No Need to Sweat a Slight Fever
- Cutting Back on Sugar
- Kids Score High on Flu Vaccinations
- Accident Proofing Kids
- Teaching Kids to Get Moving
- Changing Mindset of Juvenile Diabetes
- Growing Up with Crohn's Disease
- Kids and Brain Strain
- Risks in Delaying Childhood Vaccinations
- New Sugar Guidelines
- Are Kids Getting Enough Sleep?
- Kids and screen time
- When to take your child to the emergency department
- Creating Safe and Supportive Schools for LGBTQ Students
- 20 Min Exercise Cuts Kid's Diabetes Risk
- Most Kid's Fevers, No Worries
- Giving Your Child’s Diet a Makeover
- Flu Vaccines for Kids
- Fevers: When it’s Time to Worry
- Help Your Child to Be Angry Better
- Five Things to Know about your Child's Fever
- Dipping into Swim Safety
- Sick Kids: Viral vs. Bacterial
- Asthma 101
- Focusing your Children on Fitness
- Parents Slow to Recognize Obese Children
- Development of the Young Brain
- Both Types of Diabetes Rising in Kids
- Monitoring and Limit Setting: Privilege Removal
- Reducing Sodium in Children’s Diets
- 3 Easy Tips to Get Children Active
- Asthma in Children: Working Together to Get it Under Control
- Peanut Allergies: A Bigger Threat to Kids with Asthma
- Preventing Pediatric Falls
- Snoring and Sleep Apnea
- Facts about the Measles (MMR) Vaccine
- Does my Child Have Asthma and How Should it be Treated?
- An Evidence-Based Approach to Youth Sports Concussions
- 7 Reasons to Be Smoke-Free
- Concussion Guide for Parents
- How Your Immune System Works
- How Muscles Work
- How the Digestive System Works
- How Your Heart Works
- Vaccines: Separating Myth from Reality
- Tough to Swallow - Tips for Kids Taking Meds
- Learning & cognitive difficulties in children: Challenges after a head injury, including concussion
- Vaccinations and Immunizations
- Sport Concussions in Youth: Community Guide for Education, Treatment and Research
- Help Your Child with Diabetes Prepare for School
- Back to School: Dr. Stephen Whiteside on Routines
- Dr. Bridget Biggs on Bullying
- Ask the Expert - No more homework battles
- Weight Control For Children: Improving Physical Activity
- Back to School: Sick Kids - Should They Stay or Should They Go?
- Back to School: Feed the Body and Brain
- Childhood Cancer facts and treatment information
- Breaking the Silence, Breaking the Cycle Honoring Youth Voices
- 6 Top Tips for Parents
- Kids With Asthma Who Are Exposed To Secondhand Smoke Have Twice As Many Hospitalizations
- Sport Concussions in Youth
- Disparities in early childhood obesity: Risk factors and possible solutions
- Exercise and Bone Health in Children and Adolescents
- Children Build Self-Esteem, Increase Confidence, Stop Bullies
- Eating and Nutrition – Tips for K-12
- Positive Parenting & Promoting Mental Health
- Immunization for all throughout life
- Childhood Obesity & Healthy Eating
- Brain & Nervous System
- Lungs & Respiratory System
- How Parents and Caregivers Can Help Kids and Teens Cope with the Increased Stressors with COVID-19
- Health Tips for Traveling Abroad with Kids
- The Long term Impacts of Bullying
- Active Games a Game Changer?
- Brain food for kids
- After-school snack ideas
- A Good Night's Slumber: Tips for Healthy Sleep Habits in Children
- Preventing Childhood Obesity
- Past Procrastination -- Get Your Kids Organized, Focused and Motivated
- Ask the Expert: Late, Lost, and Unprepared: How to Help Your Child with Executive Functioning
- Kids and Common Infections
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More Information
Topics
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Related Topic Centers
- ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
- Childhood Mental Disorders and Illnesses
- Parenting
- Child Development & Parenting: Infants (0-2)
- Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7)
- Child Development & Parenting: Middle (8-11)
- Childhood Special Education
- Child Development Theory: Adolescence (12-24)
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Addictions
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Aging & Elder Care
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Assessments & Interventions
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Career & Workplace
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Emotional Well-Being
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Life Issues
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Parenting & Child Care
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Abuse
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ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
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Adoption
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Autism
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Child & Adolescent Development: Overview
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Child & Adolescent Development: Puberty
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Child Development & Parenting: Early (3-7)
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Child Development & Parenting: Infants (0-2)
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Child Development & Parenting: Middle (8-11)
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Child Development & Parenting:Adolescence (12-24)
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Child Development Theory: Adolescence (12-24)
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Child Development Theory: Middle Childhood (8-11)
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Childhood Mental Disorders and Illnesses
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Childhood Special Education
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Divorce
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Family & Relationship Issues
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Intellectual Disabilities
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Learning Disorders
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Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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Parenting
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Self Esteem
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Psychological Disorders
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Bipolar Disorder
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Conversion Disorders
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Depression: Depression & Related Conditions
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Dissociative Disorders
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Domestic Violence and Rape
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Eating Disorders
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Impulse Control Disorders
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Intellectual Disabilities
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Mental Disorders
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Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum Disorders
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Personality Disorders
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Schizophrenia
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Sexual Disorders
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Somatic Symptom and Related Disorders
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Suicide
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Tourettes and other Tic Disorders
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