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Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

I am a 34 year old unmarried girl. I have been repeatedly sexually abused by 3 relatives during my childhood. My elder brother has had forceful oral sex with me. I hate all of them. I am into a relationship (first and only) with a guy since the past four years and we are into a physical relationship. He knows all and wants to marry me  but i dont feel like trusting him. We have lots of fights as I am mostly depressed.  I feel very guilty and teary always and don't feel like enjoying anything. This is affecting my personal as well as professional life. I dont want to see a psychiatrist. Please help. Its urgent.

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